Sunday, September 25, 2005


While Hurricane Rita poured its fury on certain parts of Texas and Louisana, I was happily enjoying a BBQ dinner with old colleagues. We spoke and laughed over deliciously prepared dishes. While talking though, Hurricane Rita came intermittently into my mind. But I just switched it off, and continue with the evening. Should I have? Well, my guess at that point of time was thinking about it ain't gonna make the wind blow any slower, so why worry bout it....

However, the highlight for me on that evening was when I met up with Key, who happens to be an ex-La Sallian. At first when I saw him, I thought he looked familiar. When we were introduced, he then said I looked familiar and after identifying ourselves with our similar past, we started then to talk about life.

Key was not having the best time working in my ex-company. And I could relate with him as I was from there too. Heck, half the people at the party used to work there and decided to move on.. so I guess there's a trend somewhere... hahaha... However, I told Key that finding a different job ain't gonna make things any easier. Though the current job is tough, but there's a need for us to find our fulfillment in God alone.

I asked him "10 years ago, could you imagine being where you are right now?" He replied, "No way. I had way better dreams than this." I asked, "What happened to those dreams?" Then came silence. As I was waiting for a response from him, my own heart and mind was frantically working to find the answer to that question.

Going down thru memory lane, I remembered my last year in high school. I recalled imagining myself being successful and all. Riches, fame and glory were never in my mind, as in being overly rich and famous. I wanted to be rich, as in having enough to buy whatever I want, but "humbly rich", whatever that means. Also, I wanted whatever I was involved with to be of a noble effort... you know like, curing world hunger, creating new energy sources and sending people from Pulau Ketam to the moon. But as soon as I left high school, a strange thing started to occur. As what Key and I agreed on: "Life happened". Realities bite. And slowly, the dreams begin to seem obscure and immature. They quickly made their way from reality land to dream land and before we knew it, life happened. 10 years have past since I left high school. What are my achievements? Where am I and where will I be going? The answers to these question still seemed distant at the moment.

One thing that remain consistent though, and this I must admit, that thru the years, it had become my anchor, my "foundation". It is my faith in God. I can say that until now, God has not failed me. Have I failed God? Oh yea. Plenty of times. Thru these past 10 years of ups and downs, all I remember is that thru the darkest time of my life, God was there. He was the one who told me "There's still hope", when I thought all was gone. He was the one who said "I'm still here..." when all the rest abandoned me. And He was the one who spoke clearly unto me "I forgive you" when I thought I have crossed the line of no return.

Key mentioned something interesting yesterday night. He said that when we're young, it's easy for us to be excited about God by joining our school's Christian Fellowship and our church's youth and all, but once we hit working life, it's tough. And I agreed with him. It also seem that our churches are not doing enough to prepare our young ones with the realities of life.

I look at myself now, and sure, I'm no Nobel Prize winner, nor a Mother Teresa, nor a Bill Gates. But yet, strangely, in my what I call "the heart of hearts", there resounds an inner assurance telling me that I'm the most blessed person on the earth, because Jesus lives in me. And for this, I strive so that I can also say at my end what Paul said in 2 Timothy 4:7- 8, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing."

Driving home, I was so encouraged with this revelation. My failures, my fears, my inadequecies, my past, my present, and my future, I know I can give it to God. He is my rock and fortress, my strong refuge in times of trouble.