Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Closures

In the journey of life, often there are events in our lives that we can't comprehend. There are times when our walk seems to be between reality and dreaming, but yet we carry on, often basing our journey on so-called "faith", or at times, "assumptions".

That's why I feel that closures are important in our lives. It acts as a checkpoint for us, telling us where we are, and often, where we need to go. For example, I consider that funerals are important, especially if the departed is someone close to us. Funerals acts as a closure for us, to inform us that this person has passed on, and that we now need to move on in our lives without the person.

Another example of closure is weddings. Weddings announce that the newly-weds are no longer in the "singles-market", and are now "off-hands" to anyone else who are still hoping for a chance with either of the couple.

However, what we often we miss out are closures in our own personal lives. Most of the time we either take things for granted, or make convenient assumptions. Here's a good example that most of us are often guilty of: Forgiveness.
Being humans, it's almost impossible to avoid friction or conflict with each other, unless of course we live on a desert island and have a basketball (Wilson) as our best friend. And the best (or worse) part of this is that, it takes very little to start a conflict. It could arise from a word, deed, OR a non-word (silence) or non-deed. We could either say or do something at the wrong time, or NOT say or do something at the right time. And in this world, people seem to be able to take offense so easily. The bible says here that when we've wronged someone, it is important for us to resolve that conflict before the sun goes down (less give the devil a foothold). However, I know many (including myself) too often not do anything about it (on the pretext of letting the person cool down) and just let time help all of us to forget about it. Usually we just avoid the person for a period of time. Then, when we come together again, if the person talks to us, we assumed that he/she has forgiven us.
This is why I believe closures are so important. Unless an active role has been initiated to resolve the issue, the issue remains as it is. Closures in forgiveness communicates the desire to reconcile and repent. I like the way John Ortberg puts it: 'Forgiving someone says:"I give up my right to hurt you back for what you've done to me."'But until it is done, the wronged stays wronged, and the unforgiven stays unforgiven.

We can even extend closures to relationships, and to be more precise, in dating/courtships. Some people take on relationships without knowing which boat they're on, and which port they're planning to embark. So, what we have is a bunch of people floating adrift in the sea of confusion, with no direction and just hoping for some kind of 'wind' to push them to the 'right' direction. This of course will just lead to more chaos. Closures in this example allows people to know what's going on, and how to move on whereever they may be.

I guess being non-expressive of our intent is generally an Asian characteristic, where we tend to be subtle about what we feel, especially if the 'feeling' can cost the loss of 'face' value. However, if we can master the art of balancing the art of communicating effectively while maintaining control of our cool, closures can definitely help us move on in our lives because it sets us free from the bondage of assumptions.

What do you think?

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