These days I dread to read the news. I feel that to some extent, I have been desensitized to a point where other people's grievance no longer affect me. Finding myself in news websites, I read the following:
"Iraq market massacre leaves 48 dead"
"Indonesia tsunami toll 231, hunt on for more"
"Attacks hit Israel, Lebanon
-Hezbollah rockets rain on northern Israel
-Loud explosions in Beirut's southern suburbs
-170 reported dead in Lebanon; 24 Israelis dead"
I try getting myself to feel sympathy and compassion for the dead and the injured, but I know its not sincere. I try anger, but it doesn't seem to do anything either. So, often, I'm just left the feelings of indifference, and still trying to find meaning in this chaotic mess we call "earth".
I ask questions like "when do I react? only when it begins to affect me?" or "where shall i stand on issues like these?" The questions keep coming, but the answers that I believe would bring consolation, or closure, still seem distant.
At times, I feel guilty to indulge myself in the better things of life, like watching movies and fellowshiping with friends. This is because behind my mind, runs continuously the consciousness that people somewhere out there are suffering, and are perishing. I ask myself how could i enjoy while others are struggling to survive.
Still, I'm left with questions. No answers. Sometimes I ask God where is He in all these. I guess even if He decided to tell me, I wouldn't be able to comprehend it. But faith perseveres. That's all I have. It's what that keeps me sane. Ignorance and apathy can only bring one so far, and I've no plans to go down that road.
Reuben Morgan from Hillsong Church Australia penned this song, "Still", which I find very comforting especially in times like this. I believe that God is calling all of us, that in times of chaos, we need to hang on to God, and learn to be still.
Words and Music by Reuben Morgan
Hide me now
Under your wings
within your mighty hand
When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with you above the storm
Father you are king over the flood
I will be still and know you are God
Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know his power
In quietness and trust
Jesus, thank you.