Saturday, August 26, 2006

A love story... Part 3

In my previous 2 entries, I've failed to include some of Angeline's descriptions. I'll try to do it now. Among the many other girls that I knew then, Angeline stood out in her own way. Angeline came from a town where in the fashion sense, bigger was better. My early memories of her was that she was always wearing an over sized unisex T-shirt and with a giant red overalls. She didn't really bother to follow the latest fads or having the need to look like the other girls. Basically, she was a really carefree person. And she had this really really long hair. Reminded me of Rapunzel.

She had special talents too. She was amazing at the piano. She was also particular about the chords that were used in songs, which contrasted me. I didn't care about 7ths in the chords or the whether was it a low 'C' or a high 'C'. I played more for fun. She was a perfectionist. And she was the only person I know that had actual formal training in typing. If I'm not mistaken, she could type like 80 words per minute or something like that. I could probably do that, if the 80 words were the same one, and they had only one letter.

Now, back to where I left off. I last mentioned that Angeline was sort of in a dilemma in making some decisions in her life, which involved her relationship with this guy. And Angeline has asked to see me to tell me something. When I met up with her, she told me that she has decided to break-off her relationship with the other guy. And she has also decided to start off with me. I was happy then. More like overjoyed. But little did I know, was that that joy would only last for a while.

Summer of 99 was when I first introduced Angeline to a family member. Angeline and I made a trip to Little Rock, Arkansas for my sister's graduation. Strangely, that would also be our first and last time making a trip on the airplane together, at least for the next 7 years. Angeline met my sis and we took plenty of photos together. The photos were sent home and my parents had it framed on a wall for the next 3 years. My mom fell in love with Angeline immediately.

However, in the months to come, I was beginning to have doubts about my relationship with Angeline, and so was she. We decided on several occasions to break up, and just like the relationship, the break up didn't last very long either. And I soon found myself riding a roller coaster. We came in and out of relationships like a revolving door. There were so many issues, and back then, we were very emotional people and we never resolved anything constructively. We sought through arguments and 'silent treatments' to communicate pain and dissatisfaction. And this went on for quite some time.

In the winter of '99, just before going home for a short break, I told Angeline that I did not want to continue the relationship anymore with her, and to some extent as I recalled, she agreed also. When I came back to Malaysia, I caught up with what I missed for 2 years now already. And this included some other 'unfinished business'. I met up with some friends which sparked some other romantic interest. And I was in a position where I was just seeking to meet my own needs and feelings. In other words, I was just being plain selfish.

I returned to Lincoln after the millennium celebration. Lucky for me, the Y2K bug didn't really caused much havoc. Back in Lincoln, I took some time off from seeing Angeline, but it wasn't really long after that, that we're back together as a couple. Yet, our problems never really resolved. We were still going in and out of our relationship.

However, its not always just gloom and doom in our relationship. We had some good times too. I recalled spending alot of time taking her shopping, at the electronics store. Ok, maybe it was something that I was more interested in, but she caught abit of it along the way. We were also involved together with Xtreme, a campus Christian ministry. through Xtreme, we've managed to be involved together in many aspects of serving, like in worship, bible studies, and missions. We also managed to make a few trips together; Passion's One Day 2000, Habitat for Humanity project in Mississippi, white water rafting in Colorado, to name a few.

And yet, tthrough all this, there was still something missing between both of us. It was like although we did so many things together, yet, we still found it difficult to trust each other completely. I'd call it, the 'Missing Link'.

In 2001, I was due to graduate. My parents came over, and this was their first time meeting Angeline in person. My mom was very fond of her. I guess to some extent, more fond of her than I was. After my graduation, I took a short break returning home to Malaysia. Angeline also dropped my place before returning to her home in Sibu. While she was here, my mom treated her like her own daughter. Like I said earlier, my mom was very fond of her.

I returned to Lincoln in 2001, and continued working part time at Molex, where I did my internship earlier on. I was also at the same time job hunting, wanting to look for a full time job, until that fateful day on September 11, where some terrorist decided to alleviate me of any possible hope of permanent employment in the US by hijacking planes and flying them in to the World Trade Center, which eventually, cause the US to enter into a time of recession.

Without a chance of getting a permanent job in the States, I was forced to returned to Malaysia. My work permit was expiring and I didn't want to overstay either. Angeline was still in the middle of her Masters program then, and thus, she needs to complete it first before deciding on anything. Before I left for home, Xtreme decided to throw me a farewell party, which also coincided with the July 4th celebration. I recalled watching the fireworks with Angeline that night. I felt happy then. A couple of months before that night, we've been talking about our future. We never really decided on anything, but we sort of just discuss it and just to see what the possibilities are. And it was also a wonderful time for me because we didn't really argue on anything then. We really just got along well with each other. It was also on that night that I wrote a farewell poem. I wanted to recite it at first, but I guess I didn't have the guts to do it then.. It went like this:

"A Goodbye"

The time has come
I need to go
I need to go
Do I want to go?
Yes I do
No I don't
My heart is torn
I'm happy
I'm sad

A new chapter I must face
And I know I can by His grace
But why am I feeling dazed
With just the thought of leaving this place?

Is it because of the car that I used to drive
Or my "second home" aka Best Buy
Or maybe its the weather, both wet and dry
Or for the chance of the "American Dream" before I die?

Four years have come and gone
And thank God that I have grown
To realize that despite the things that I have owned
The best are still people I have known

People who were in this chapter of my life
Some brought blessing and some brought strife
Many have become my friends but only one will become my wife :)
Happy, sad, joyful, mad... ahh... isn't this a wonderful life

To those who walked with me
Thank you so much for blessing me
To those who I didn't get to spend much time with
Another chance in the future is my wish

So, what lies for me in the future?
I can only say is that I'm not sure
But in my mind this is what I picture
That one day in heaven we will all be together

I left the US on July 5th, 2002. I've not gone back there since. And what awaited me in the months to come was something that was totally unexpected to me... be continued...

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